The 21st century person is in half a dozen kinds of therapy, formal and informal, all of which tell them that they’re wonderful and special and that everyone else is terrible and is out to get them.
The 21st century person believes that everyone is the product of deterministic social construction, but their own identity and the thoughts they express are cutting edge and unique and authentic.
The 21st century person is unmarried and has never had any lasting relationships of any length and will need all the help of technology to have children, if they ever do.
The 21st century person expresses their individuality by pursuing all the most popular causes and trends.
The 21st century person has no tolerance for pain or deprivation, and measures their sophistication by how harmless they are.
The 21st century person is deeply consumptive, always in need of popular goods to make their life exciting or meaningful or moral, and congratulates themselves for being different from everyone else before and around them.
The 21st century person isn’t sure what gender or sexuality or possibly even what species they are. They’re a demi-romantic, non-binary, deer. A species that, like a lonely Pinta island tortoise, is unlikely to figure out where they belong to before they enter the hallowed halls of strange and unique creatures that have since gone extinct.
Making Nobody Happy 