I’ve been learning about “neopronouns” and the “neodivergent” from the world’s greatest resource: TikTok. I’ve also read some guides from popular media websites about how to embrace this hot phenomenon. And here’s my reaction:
All of this is just people screaming “Indulge my fantasy!”
We all would prefer to live in a world of our own design, in an identity of our own design. We would all prefer to have that world and that identity not be limited by any outside structures and to be able to exercise our creativity without restraint. That’s partly why video games have so much appeal. As Douglas Adams said, most people find the universe very troubling and would prefer to move to somewhere smaller of their own design.
Many well-meaning people are eager to people do just this, willing to make them happy by indulging their fantasy play. It’s like indulging the game of a child. Except this child can bring the unhappiness of an adult to bear against you if you don’t. And that’s both tragic and hard to refuse.
So many people won’t refuse. The cost is too high, to themselves and to the person in question. The amount of conflict and unhappiness and sheer trouble it would entail is just too much to even consider. So the adults say that the game can go on forever, and you never need to grow up and leave the nursery. You never need to face cold and harsh realities that plague human existence and crush our creativity.
That’s not kindness. That’s cruelty and abdication of responsibility. Because the world is out there. And we don’t fully create ourselves. Life is a negotiation between a tiny us and a very big everything else. We can’t hold it hostage. We can’t avoid it without paying a price.
What I see on TikTok tells me that we’ve failed as parents and as members of a culture. We’re not willing to pay the price of standing up to our children. We’re not wise enough to do it in a way that shows that we’re doing it for their sake, to help them. Kids punish you for telling them what they don’t want to hear. They take revenge on you as the interlocutor of reality in their lives. And that’s a tough burden to bear. But we don’t save them or save ourselves by failing to pay that price.
Making Nobody Happy 