parenthood – Making Nobody Happy

Father’s Day reflections

With fathers day just around the corner, I was inspired by listening to some of my favorite thinkers talking about their fathers to talk about my own. I’m going to try to be less calculated and more revealing for this particular discussion. It’s hard to talk about our fathers somehow. It’s a sore spot. It’sContinue reading “Father’s Day reflections”

A dream of light and pain

I had a dream last night so shocking that it woke me from my sleep with a jolt, like an electric current has passed through my entire being and my eyes snapped awake. What was so completely shocking, you might ask? I dreamt that I had discovered my wife was pregnant. And the dawning ofContinue reading “A dream of light and pain”

Sympathy across the sexes

I was heavily bullied and kicked around by the other boys (and girls) during my childhood. And I once was having a conversation with some women, who were complaining about men, and I mentioned that I knew what it felt like to be physically at someone else’s mercy and be thoughtlessly used for amusement andContinue reading “Sympathy across the sexes”

Appreciate the good times

People used to tell me to treasure the precious moments of my children’s young lives, because before I knew it they would be gone. And I nodded, because I knew, and I did appreciate it. And I don’t think I could have done more or been more present. But there was still a lesson toContinue reading “Appreciate the good times”

A letter to the superintendent

I read in the newsletter about the DEI initiative. I understand that there is a big push in all public and private institutions to engage in a voluntary inquisition to root out alleged white supremacy and systemic racism, and I appreciate the need to address the concerns of customers or people who make use ofContinue reading “A letter to the superintendent “

Good cop parenting

Parenting is often a simple matter of playing good cop bad cop. It’s pretty hard to play it with yourself. There’s a reason why it’s a stereotype. It’s a useful strategy. And really, both cops are good cops. It just helps to have two complimentary approaches. In reality the goals of both cops are theContinue reading “Good cop parenting”

Comfort or courage?

You don’t tell someone that “It’s normal to be afraid” in the hope that they will continue to be afraid. When we comfort a child and explain to them that what they’re going through is normal, what we mean is that being afaird is a normal part of the progression from not realizing there isContinue reading “Comfort or courage?”

Marriage as a test for parenthood

Is it possible that being married is, in some ways, the best test of and training ground for whether you’re capable of being a good parent? Especially for men, but likely for everyone? Children demand so much and offer so little back. If you can’t accept a different person’s interests as your own and fleshContinue reading “Marriage as a test for parenthood “

Fairness and parenting

Fair play is when we decide that neither of us is subjectively in charge of the rules of the game. Instead, we set up rules both of us have to play by and submit to and agree to, an independent arbiter that can be appealed to, regardless of who the actor in question is. InContinue reading “Fairness and parenting “