I had a strange dream the other night where someone was trying to show me a family crest and tell me what it should be. They kept shouting at me and repeating the motto, so I wouldn’t forget. And when I woke up, I didn’t. I had to look it up to make sure whatContinue reading “Praxis in principia”
Tag Archives: Personal
Sympathy across the sexes
I was heavily bullied and kicked around by the other boys (and girls) during my childhood. And I once was having a conversation with some women, who were complaining about men, and I mentioned that I knew what it felt like to be physically at someone else’s mercy and be thoughtlessly used for amusement andContinue reading “Sympathy across the sexes”
The beauty of rock bottom
The advantage of reaching the point of having nothing is that it really allows you to take stock of yourself and your life and see what you’re missing and what you gave up. It makes you appreciate what you lost and what it was really worth. It gives you wonderful perspective. And if you wantContinue reading “The beauty of rock bottom”
A personal story of political intuition
Plenty of people have explored the problems with socialism far better than I could. Problems like the free rider problem. But I do want to add one example from my own past that shows that I, at least, am not a good enough person to have in a system where outcomes are not closely tiedContinue reading “A personal story of political intuition”
Meaning in life
Meaning in life isn’t a function of how big and grand and special and unique a thing you’re doing, and what that makes of you. Meaning in life is a function of taking responsibility for and investing in the life you have, and what that makes of you. We can’t all be Shakespeare or KanyeContinue reading “Meaning in life”
Birth of the goddess
Spicy meatball warning. Offensive, personal, not at all polite or correct. Prepare for some shocking imagery. I believe it to be necessary to really adrress this subject honestly and unblinkingly. The unvarnished reality of it. I know that in some ways I’m violating my own points I made in my entry about Cuties. There areContinue reading “Birth of the goddess”
Why I write the way I do
One big factor that determines how I write is that I don’t know what I’m going to say before I start writing. I’m not sure what I think, often. I get a little seed and I just water it and follow it and let it grow and see where it goes. Often I end upContinue reading “Why I write the way I do”
Lessons I’ve learned from business
I’ve been in business for a while now, I’ve had over a hundred employees (I lost count eventually), and although I’m not the best boss ever, I have learned a few things about being a manager. First, most of the actual work that makes an organization productive is done by a small minority of theContinue reading “Lessons I’ve learned from business”
On acts of courage and defiance and stubborn people
I walked away from my masters degree the week of graduation because I wouldn’t agree to the demands of my thesis committee, since I saw them as fundamentally compromising my beliefs. Now, maybe that’s because I was an idiot and a jerk and a coward. And I always want to keep that as my primaryContinue reading “On acts of courage and defiance and stubborn people “
Why is instability comforting?
Why do I find Coronavirus comforting? Because it resets expectations and excuses any personal failure to produce the stability and consistency everyone else seems able to produce. I can fail, or not t be doing as well as everyone else, and feel fine about it. Is there, then, an instinct to welcome disaster in theContinue reading “Why is instability comforting?”
An incomplete farewell letter
In the event that I have Coronavirus, and in the less likely event that I die from it, I suppose I had better come up with some fitting last words while I still have the capacity instead of gasping them out in a delirium or making hand gestures while a ventilator keeps my weakened lungsContinue reading “An incomplete farewell letter”
A dream
I had a dream. And in my dream I asked why I couldn’t trust my body. And the answer given was, because it will betray you. Your body is only matter, held together by purpose and information. And it can only be held together for so long. That purpose can only be exerted so far.Continue reading “A dream”
On one of my life’s great disappointments
If I had to pick one of my absolute greatest disappointments in life, it was realizing that I would never be a great musician. I wanted so much to be a great singer. But by middle school my total loss of my voice and my vocal nodes ended that dream. I felt the music soContinue reading “On one of my life’s great disappointments”
My girls
For me, the idea that there will come a day when I can’t hug and snuggle and love my girls is almost unbearable to contemplate. I love them more than the whole world. They’re the sun that rises and lifts me each day. They’re the life I live and struggle through and endure. They’re myContinue reading “My girls”
Two songs
This is the song that makes me feel like I’m a kid again, at home with my mom in our living room, on a peaceful afternoon. All those memories come back, the feeling of safety, of ease, of being cared for, of freedom, of relaxing after a good day, of looking forward to more goodContinue reading “Two songs”
Why I react so much to the words and thoughts of others
Excerpted from a personal letter. In my life, people I love bring home things and say things that really concern and disturb and upset me. They arouse dissonance within. Friends, family members. I’m the sort of person who can’t help but have a lot of thoughts about a lot of things. It’s just who IContinue reading “Why I react so much to the words and thoughts of others”
On the appeal of video games
Partly it’s the challenge Partly it’s the fun of exploring fictional world and taking part in them. Partly it’s just the illusion of a productive distraction. When people have leisure they tend to go to exploratory behaviors, testing out new skills and possibilities. Part of it is the illusion of winning and dominance, of beingContinue reading “On the appeal of video games “
On gratitude during uncertain times
It’s funny to reflect on how shocking it is for us to live through something that used to be so common as to be generally assumed as part of life by humanity. Even things we think of as huge one-time events, like when the plague wiped out half of Europe, weren’t one time events. TheContinue reading “On gratitude during uncertain times”
On endings and facing death
“Everything ends, and that’s always sad. But everything always begins again, and that’s always happy. Be happy.” When considering death, there’s so much we tell ourselves, and so much we don’t. We see our lives in our stories, and so we tell the story of our lives to understand its ending. If the story wasContinue reading “On endings and facing death”
Making Nobody Happy 